You live far away. Here's a week you can keep.

If nobody answers

A missed call usually means nothing. Decide now what happens next, so nobody has to work it out in a panic.

1. Try again, on every number you have.
2. Call the person close by, and ask them to go over.
3. If you can't reach anyone and you're worried, call the police or sheriff where your parent lives and ask for someone to check on them.

Calling 911 from where you are may not work. With few exceptions, 911 calls can't be transferred to another town or state. The National 911 Program says the best option is the 10-digit number for law enforcement in the community where help is needed. It's on the agency's website. Look it up today and put it on the plan.

A check-in isn't an emergency service. It only tells you something may be wrong, and it depends on people. Here's what their phone or watch can do.

Why the long call matters

It's the part of the plan that's for them. Loneliness and social isolation are linked with higher risks of heart disease, depression and cognitive decline. Someone can also sound fine for two minutes, so a longer talk tells you more, though it still can't show you everything. Some changes are easier to see in person.

If calls are getting harder, it may be their hearing. Our hearing guide covers what to do, and 52 questions will give you something better to talk about than the weather.

What you can do from far away

More than it feels like. The National Institute on Aging lists these:

• Help with money, insurance claims or paying bills
• Arrange in-home care, such as a home health aide
• Order medical equipment, medicines and supplies
• Look up their health conditions and benefits
• Help with advance care planning
• Find and organize their important papers
• Research long-term care options

To stay in the loop, keep a shared list of phone numbers and a shared calendar online. With your parent's permission, you can join telehealth visits, and the doctor can talk with you directly. Teaching them to text or video call helps too.

Make the visit count

Short visits fill up fast. Ask ahead what your parent would like to do, and ask whoever helps them what they need. Pick your top priorities and leave the rest for next time.

Look for jobs you can take home and do from a distance. Then leave time for something that has nothing to do with caregiving, like a movie, a game or a drive.

If someone else lives closer

Often one person does most of the everyday work, usually a spouse or the child or sibling who lives closest. You can still help a lot:

• Ask what would help most.
• Stay in regular contact with them. Just listening can mean a lot.
• Go and stay for a few days, so they can have time off.
• Arrange regular respite care, such as an in-home aide or adult day care.

The National Institute on Aging has a free worksheet for dividing up caregiving tasks. If you're not seeing it the same way, read what to do when brothers and sisters don't agree, and if they're running out of strength, what helps a worn-out caregiver.

When it's more than you can do from here

Start with the Eldercare Locator, a free government service that can find local help: 800-677-1116.

A geriatric care manager is usually a licensed nurse or social worker who can visit, make a care plan and find local services. They can be especially helpful when family lives far away. They charge by the hour, and the first evaluation may be expensive. Medicare and Medicaid don't pay for this, and most private health insurance doesn't either, though long-term care insurance may cover some of it. Before you sign anything, get the fees in writing. We don't recommend or refer to any care manager.

Go easy on yourself

Caregivers who live far away may feel guilty about not being closer, not doing enough, or not having enough time. The National Institute on Aging calls that normal and understandable. A plan you can keep does more than a promise you can't.

What to do this week

1. Ask your parent what kind of check-in would suit them.
2. Find the police or sheriff's 10-digit number for their town.
3. Ask a neighbor if you can swap numbers.
4. Fill in the plan and send it to the family.
5. Pick the day for the long call, and put it in your calendar.

Questions people ask