Someone can sound fine on the phone. It's harder to hide things over a few days at home. Here's what to look for, without turning Thanksgiving into an inspection.
Go by what's changed. You know how they used to be, and that matters more than any list.
7 changes to watch for on your holiday visit
Offer to help cook. Open the fridge yourself.
Probably no worry on its own: A smaller appetite and simpler meals, as long as they are eating.
A way to bring it up“There isn't much in the fridge. Is getting to the store harder lately?”
Bring in the mail. See where it lands.
Probably no worry on its own: Missing one payment and catching it later.
A way to bring it up“I'm doing my own paperwork this week. Want to sit down and do yours with me?”
Ask where they keep their pills, as if you need an aspirin.
Probably no worry on its own: Using a weekly pill box or a phone reminder. That's them solving it.
A way to bring it up“Can I go with you to the next appointment? I'd like to hear it from the doctor too.”
Watch them on the stairs, and getting out of a chair.
Probably no worry on its own: Going slower. Using the handrail. Starting a walking or balance class.
A way to bring it up“I'd sleep better if we added a rail here. Can I do that while I'm home?”
Walk through every room, including the one that's usually tidy.
Probably no worry on its own: A bit more mess than the house you grew up in.
A way to bring it up“Let's get someone in to help with the heavy cleaning. It would be my gift.”
Spend a long stretch together. Short calls can hide this.
Probably no worry on its own: Losing a word or their keys now and then, and remembering later.
A way to bring it up“You've mentioned your memory. Let's ask the doctor. I'll drive.”
Ask who they've seen this week. Ask a neighbor how they're doing.
Probably no worry on its own: Wanting a quieter life, and choosing it.
A way to bring it up“You haven't mentioned the book club lately. What happened?”
Nothing ticked isn't a clean bill of health, and it may mean you haven't had a long enough visit yet. Most of these are easier to see over a whole day than over dinner.
This is general information to help a family think things through. It isn't medical, legal, financial or insurance advice, and it can't judge your parent's situation. Read the disclaimer.
If they say they feel hopeless or have no reason to live, or you're worried they may harm themselves, get help right away. Call or text 988, day or night.
Last checked October 30, 2026. Found something wrong? Tell us.
