What is the best thing to say when someone loses their mother?

“I am so sorry about your mom,” followed by one specific thing: a memory of her, or what you see of her in them. Specific is what people remember.

What do you write if you never met her?

Write about the person you do know: “I never met your mother, but I know you, and she must have been wonderful.”

Is it all right to send a card weeks later?

Yes. A card that arrives after the first weeks can mean a great deal, because by then fewer people are asking.

Should I send something with the card?

Food is the usual and useful choice in the first weeks. A keepsake, such as a picture, is better sent later, when they have had some time.

What to write in a sympathy card for the loss of a mother

Nobody else does what a mother does, so there is nothing you can write that fixes this. What helps is simple: say you are sorry, say her name if you know it, and say one thing about her or about them. Copy any of these as they are.

If you knew her

Your mom was one of the kindest people I have known. I am so sorry.
I will always remember how she made everyone feel welcome at her table.
She told the best stories. I can still hear her laugh.
Your mother fed half the neighborhood and never once made it feel like a favor.
She was so proud of you. She told everyone, including me, more than once.
I learned how to be a good host by watching your mom.
The world had more warmth in it with her here. I am so sorry.
I loved her too. I am thinking of you every day this week.

If you did not know her

I never met your mother, but I know you, and she must have been wonderful.
I am so sorry about your mom. I see how she raised you, and it says everything.
I did not know her, but I know how much you loved her. I am here.
Anyone who raised someone as kind as you was someone special.
I am so sorry for the loss of your mother. Thinking of you and your family.
I wish I had met her. Tell me about her when you are ready.

For a close friend

I am so sorry. I am coming over Thursday with dinner. You do not have to talk.
There is no getting over a mother. I will be here for all of it.
I loved her because she made you. I love you. I am here.
Call me at 3 a.m. I mean it.
I do not know what to say, so I will just stay close.
She was your first home. I am so, so sorry.
I will keep checking in. You do not need to answer.

For a coworker

I was so sorry to hear about your mother. Please take all the time you need.
Thinking of you and your family. We have everything covered here.
With deepest sympathy on the loss of your mother.
There is no rush to come back. We are thinking of you.
I am so sorry for your loss. If I can take anything off your plate, tell me.
From all of us on the team: we are so sorry.

For your husband or wife

I loved your mom. I will help you carry this.
She gave me you. I will be grateful to her for the rest of my life.
You do not have to be strong at home. Not with me.
I will remember her with you, every year, for as long as you want to.
She was my family too. I am right here.

Short ones

I am so sorry about your mom.
She was loved. So are you.
Thinking of you and of her.
With love and sympathy.

For later: Mother's Day, her birthday, the first holidays

These days are hard for years. A short note is enough.

Thinking of you today, and of your mom.
I know Mother's Day is different now. I am here.
It is her birthday. I made her lemon cake and thought of you both.
The first Christmas without her will be hard. There is a place for you at ours.

How to write your own

Say you are sorry, plainly.
Use her name, or “your mom”, not “your loss”.
Add one memory or one thing you saw in her. If you never met her, say what you see of her in them.
Offer one thing with a day attached.

What to leave out

“She is in a better place.” You may not know what they believe.
“At least she lived a long life.” or “At least she is not suffering.”
“I know exactly how you feel.”
“Let me know if you need anything.” Name one thing and a day.