What to write in a sympathy card
There are no right words, and the person reading does not need them. They need to know you noticed and that you are not afraid to say the name. Short is fine. Late is fine. Sending nothing is the only wrong choice.
Short and simple
- I am so sorry. I am thinking of you.
- There are no words. I am here.
- Holding you close in my thoughts.
- I was so sad to hear about your loss.
- With love and deepest sympathy.
- We are thinking of you and your family.
- I am sorry for your loss. I loved them too.
- You do not need to reply. I just wanted you to know I am thinking of you.
For the loss of a mother
- Your mom was one of the kindest people I have known. I am so sorry.
- She raised someone wonderful. I see her in you.
- I will always remember how she made everyone feel welcome at her table.
- A mother's love does not end. I hope you feel hers around you.
- She was so proud of you. She told everyone.
- I am so sorry about your mom. I am bringing dinner on Thursday.
- Nobody replaces a mother. I am here for the days when that is hardest.
For the loss of a father
- Your dad was a good man. I am so sorry he is gone.
- I will never forget how he laughed at his own jokes.
- He taught you well. It shows in everything you do.
- I am thinking of you and remembering your father with respect.
- He talked about you all the time. You were his pride.
- I am so sorry. Your dad made everyone around him feel looked after.
- The world is quieter without him. I am here.
For the loss of a husband or wife
- I am so sorry. The two of you showed the rest of us how it is done.
- I cannot imagine the quiet in the house. I am coming by on Saturday.
- He adored you. Anyone could see it.
- She lit up every room, and you most of all.
- A love like yours does not stop. I am so sorry for your loss.
- I am here for the paperwork, the casseroles and the silence.
For the loss of a child
Keep it very short. Do not explain or compare.
- There are no words. We love you and we are here.
- We are heartbroken with you.
- We will always remember and say their name.
- We are holding you and your family close.
- We are so, so sorry.
For a friend or coworker
- I was so sorry to hear your news. Please take all the time you need.
- Thinking of you and your family during this hard time.
- We have your work covered. Look after yourself.
- I did not know them, but I know you, and I am so sorry.
- I am here to listen whenever you want to talk, and to sit quietly when you do not.
- With sympathy from all of us on the team.
For the loss of a pet
- I am so sorry about Biscuit. He was family.
- The house must be so quiet. I am thinking of you.
- She had the best life a dog could have, because of you.
- They were so lucky to have you.
- We loved them too.
- Fourteen years of a good dog is still not enough. I am sorry.
When time has passed
For an anniversary, a birthday or the first holiday without them.
- I know today is hard. I am thinking of you and of them.
- A year on, I still think of her whenever I see peonies.
- It is his birthday. I am raising a glass.
- The first Christmas is the hardest. There is a place for you at ours.
- I have not forgotten. I am still here.
How to write your own
- Say you are sorry, in plain words.
- Use the name of the person who died.
- Share one memory or one thing you admired, even a small one.
- Offer one concrete thing with a day attached, not “let me know if you need anything”.
What to leave out
- “They are in a better place.” You do not know what they believe.
- “At least they lived a long life.” or any sentence that starts with “at least”.
- “I know how you feel.” Even if you have lost someone too.
- “Everything happens for a reason.”
- “Let me know if you need anything.” Offer one thing and a day.